I was talking last night with a close friend of mine about the phenomenon of code switching, and it led us to an interesting correlation. Code switching is a linguistics term used to describe the process of moving between variations of language in different contexts. My friend, whom I will refer to here as C, used the example of accent or vernacular variations in language based on location. For example, the way an American in Florida speaks is different (in accent and language) from the way one speaks in New York. He explained that if a person from somewhere down south, such as Florida, were to move to somewhere more northern, like New York, they would after a short while adopt the accent or vernacular language of New York while they were there; However, the minute you place that person back into the context of their hometown in Florida, they would instantly switch back to the vernacular of which they were raised. Code switching. When C explained this example to me, I immediately saw a correlation between this phenomenon and an aspect of my life.
A recently occurring theme in my life has been that I am reconnecting with a lot of old friends - people that I haven't seen in years. It is through this reconnecting that I have realized something about myself (which I now see has always been a part of who I am), and upon this realization, I felt a little bit uneasy. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing, or not. What I realized, and what C helped me to process through, was that I have a lot of friends, and they are all very, very different. It is not the differences of these friends that made me uneasy, but rather how I, myself, respond to these differing personality types. I realized that I am not the same person I am with one friend as I am when I am with another. Not only is my language a little different with each one, but it seems as though my personality changes also. Sometimes, I noticed, it seems as though I am so different when I am with one friend than I am with another that if I ever were in the same room with the both of them, I wouldn't be sure how to respond. It would be like trying to mix oil with water. My conversation with the first friend would completely bore the other friend, while my conversation with the second would be way over the head of the first, in a language of which is not understandable to them. I wouldn't know what to say, or who to be, in a room with the both of them together. I would constantly be code-switching, confusing the both of them at each turn. They probably would wonder why I was being so different.
I was troubled upon this realization as I pondered the reason for such behavior. Was I changing due to peer pressure for fear of not being accepted? Changing the color of my skin, as a chameleon would, so that I blend into my environment for fear of standing out? I certainly hoped that this wasn't the driving force of my actions. In fact, I hoped it so much so, I realized that if peer pressure was already such a deep concern within me, how could it be the underlying reason for my actions? If I truly was so against conforming to peer pressure, then I couldn't have subconsiously done so, right? I would have caught myself early on hypocritically going against my own beliefs, and put an end to it, I'm sure. So what is the real reason, then?
I tried to think deeper, examining myself closely. What is it that's going through my mind when I meet with an old friend that causes me to change myself a little bit according to their personality? Finally, I realized, it is not out of the yearning for their acceptance that I do so, but it is more so for my concern that they feel accepted in my presence. I change my speech and personality, in context of various relationships, so that I create a safe place, a comfortable environment, for that person to speak in. I want them to feel comfortable talking with me; so what better way is there to do so than to speak their language? Code-switching.
Though this brought clarity to my honest intentions and good reason for "code switching", I wasn't entirely convinced that it was healthy. I asked C, "So, if I'm a different person in context of the people I'm with, am I staying true to myself? If I'm a different person in different environments, than who is the real me? Am I not being myself by constantly code-switching?" Much to my surprise, C had an immediate answer for me. He explained that he had also found himself in the same situation, and actually went through a similar process, struggling to define a clear reason for the drastic changes, and pondering the thought of peer pressure. But, he came to a conclusion, and explained to me his answer (which I would quote if I could remember it precisely, as he is very well-spoken). He believed that it is not that you "code-switch" so that you might fit in and be accepted by a group of people or an individual, but it is more so that that individual brings out different aspects of your personality. Therefore, you're not abandoning who you really are as a person by "changing" slightly when you are in the presence of varying personalities, but rather, it is those varying personalities that bring out specific aspects of the "complexity" of your own personality, the complexity of who you are. I was in awe at the concept of his answer, and how well it made clear sense. It was brilliant.
We began to talk about the subject more in depth, and I learned that he could completely relate to me when it comes to two friends bringing out such different personalities in ourselves that we couldn't possibly have the two meet and be together with them. It would be a far too awkward, and perhaps even offensive or confrontational situation. It was then that I realized that there are (very generally spoken) two types of people: people that code-switch, and people that do not; and two people of very different beliefs, backgrounds, and personalities, that do not code-switch are not likely to be friends, and would never get along. However, one person that does code-switch could get along with anyone they choose, and two people that code-switch can have the most open and personal of relationships. This is because when the two code-switchers meet, their primary goal (subconsiously) is to create a safe environment for the other and do everything within their ability to make the other feel the most accepted and most comfortable. It is then that the two code-switchers can have the most personal of relationships because there is no fear of being judged on either side; therefore, each person has the freedom to express every aspect of the complexity of their personality as they please (rather than having to accentuate only a few aspects of their personality). Consequently, the two have the freedom to be completely natural - to resond without concern, to each topic of conversation, each detail of the other's personality, as freely and comfortably as possible because each of them have created a safe environment in which the other can speak.
Also, not surprisingly, while talking with C, I realized that this is the type of friendship that we have between us. Both of us are code-switchers; both of us work to create an environment for the other in which the other can speak freely, without judgement, being fully accepted. Needless to say, there are many things that I can talk about with C that I could not talk about with those around whom I must code-switch. I don't see this as a bad thing, but rather just an interesting aspect of humanity.
It wasn't until the next day that I realized that this concept of "code-switching" has a direct correlation to the physics of music and sound, and also to the spirit, which I will explain in my next entry.
C, if you are reading this, thanks again for your friendship. Many times, I benefit from our conversations more than you may know.
